Humor
Twas the night before Christmas
Written by our dear friend Capt. Pete
TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS and all through Sanuk,
The bilge pumps were hustling to keep us afloat,
We were covered and nestled all snug in our berths,
(We’ve slept here for months enroute to Lake Worth)
As Tracy uploaded her photos and I savored my beer
She said “You've had enough, now come to bed dear.”
Then out on the dock there arose an uproar
As I reached in the fridge to get just one more.
Stupid Sailor
A man fell overboard from his little sailboat, and was thrashing around in the water when another boat pulled up.
"Jump in, we'll save you" - they screamed.
"No" cried the drowning man, "God will save me".
The scene was repeated twice more and then a helicopter hovered over the man.
"We came to rescue you" yelled the pilot.
"No, God will save me" was the response again.
The man drowned, and as he crossed the Pearly Gates, he ran straight to Jesus.
Bound for Key West
A sailor notices a nun leaving his ship shortly after liberty call was announced. Both walk towards a nearby bus stop and wait. The sailor can't seem to stop staring at her. She asks him why is he staring and he replies, "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you."
She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."
Sailing Terms
Amidships - condition of being surrounded by boats.
Anchor - a device designed to bring up mud samples from the bottom at inopportune or unexpected times.
Anchor Light - a small light used to discharge the battery before daylight.
Bare Boat - Clothing Optional.
Sleepy Sailor
taken. "You've got to have a room somewhere," he pleaded. "Or just a
bed, I don't care where."
"Well, I do have a double room with one occupant -- an Air Force guy,"
admitted the manager, "and he might be glad to split the cost. But to
tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms
have complained in the past. I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you."
Tom Swifties
- "Boy, that sure took the wind out of my sails!" said Tom disgustedly.
- "Buy me something to drink?" said Tom dryly.
- "Get away from the dynamite," Tom said explosively.
- "I commanded a group of ships for a week," Tom said fleetingly.
- "I forgot what to buy," Tom said listlessly.
- "I only get Newsweek," said Tom timelessly.
- "I punched him in the stomach three times," said Tom triumphantly.
- "I still haven't struck oil," said Tom boringly.
- "I
Teach a man to fish
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
Unlucky Pirate
A soldier meets a pirate in a bar, and the talk turns to their adventures. The soldier notes that the pirate has a peg leg, a hook and an eye patch.
"How did you end up with a peg leg?" he asks.
The pirate replies, "I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. As my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off."
"Wow!" says the soldier. "What about your hook?"
"Well," answers the pirate, "we were boarding a ship when one of the enemy hacked off my hand."
